You are starting to feel that something’s not exactly right in your relationship. And you fear the worst – your partner is having an affair. But for various reasons, you might not feel right in hiring a detective to confirm it. Would you give you up and just wait for the inevitable something to happen or would you like to find out for yourself if it’s true? Contrary to the popular cliche, the partner can be the FIRST to know. Other than the very obvious physical changes you can readily notice, you can try these simple strategies:
- Notice changes in his/her attitude – Did he/she suddenly become vague about appointments or is suddenly coming up with conferences at short notices? Was there a change in the way he/she treats you and the kids? Do you still get a straight answer when you ask why the late hours? More importantly, do you still get eye contact when you get an answer? Whatever major changes in life that a person makes will be manifested in the physical. For such a drastic move as having an affair, the conscience still makes itself heard. You’ll see the tell-tale evasiveness; the difference in the way he/she talks or acts; even the lack of eye contact. Not many people can look straight into another person’s eyes when they are guilty.
- Get somebody else to find out for you – You must know someone that your partner works with or even friends he goes out with. If you’re in good enough terms, try asking about it. It could be as direct as ‘do you know if he’s having an affair?’ or as roundabout as ‘who does he go with when they have seminars?’ Be prepared for the answer and confirm what they tell you to be on the safe side. For all you know, your informant is the other side of the guilty party as well!
- Check your finances – There are very few things in life that will not leave a paper trail – an illicit affair is NOT one of them. See if there are withdrawals that you didn’t know about. Start noting the items on your credit card bills. If you see items that does not make sense – like a bill from a gas station when he/she was supposed to be in London for a seminar. Or charges from a hotel or a store that you don’t recall hearing about. You have every right to call these establishments about the charges. In some instances, you might even get more information that what you’ve been trying to dig up – like a dress size for instance.
Again, you can be the first to know – all it takes is a few leads.
Don’t give up on your marriage. Even if your partner had cheated on you once, it won’t happen again if you will do the right things and say the right words. Sometimes, people cheat not because they don’t love their partners; there are times they do it because something is lacking in the person they adore. Be everything for your partner.
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